When we teach children abuse prevention techniques, our experienced Prevention Educators use the phrases “safe adult” and “trusted adult”, which sounds like they might be the same but there is a difference.
Trusted adults are often inherent in a child’s life. They’re parents, grandparents, coaches, or teachers. Trusted adults play a critical part of a child’s life. But 90% of child abuse kids involve an adult a child knows, and statistically this is a parent or close family member. A parent who neglects their child is also inherently not a trusted adult anymore. This is why we use the phrase “safe adult.”
Safe adults are those adults kids can come to if they feel hurt or in danger. Safe adults can — like “trusted adults” — be parents, grandparents, coaches, or teachers. The difference is sometimes kids have been hurt by a “trusted adult”, and rightfully no longer find them a trustworthy person.
That’s why young people in unsafe situations need to know not all adults are inherently dangerous or untrustworthy. If kids find themselves in an unsafe situation, they need to feel comfortable talking to a safe adult.
The overlap between safe adults and trusted adults is large for most all of the adults in a child’s life. But their lived experience changes who is and isn’t among the trusted adults in their life.
Trusted Adults are non-abusing:
- Parents or caregivers
- Grandparents
- Other family members, like older siblings
- Teachers
- Coaches
- Principals or school staff
- Church and youth group leaders
- Camp counselors
- Other adults in a child’s life
Safe Adults are also non-abusing:
- Parents or caregivers
- Grandparents
- Other family members, like older siblings
- Teachers
- Coaches
- Principals or school staff
- Church and youth group leaders
- Camp counselors
- Other adults in a child’s life
Susie’s Place Body Boundaries education teaches children age-appropriate ways to protect themselves
Kids who are abused often don’t understand what’s happening to them. They may not even know or have the vocabulary to explain or understand sexual abuse or other matters impacting the child’s safety. We tell kids in our classroom Body Safety and Body Boundaries program:
- “A safe adult is someone who does not break the 5 Safety Rules.”
- “Safe adults in your life help you feel safe and can be trusted to respect your body boundaries.”
- “If you thought someone was a safe adult, but now you don’t think they are, there are other safe adults in your life.”
- “A safe adult will help you take the next steps to protect your personal space and physical safety.”
We also encourage kids to talk to their Safe Adults anytime:
- The body boundaries are broken
- They spot one of the “Red Flags” we teach children
- Feel hurt or unsure about a situation, person, or conversation
You might be a child’s safe adult
If you work around children or have children in your life, like the friends of your kids or maybe the kids at your church, you might be a child’s safe adult without even knowing they think of you as one. If a child makes an outcry of abuse to you, here’s what you should know and do:
- Believe the child, and be non-judgemental about what they’re telling you. Children rarely lie about something as serious as abuse.
- Tell them you believe them and that you’re going to help them by calling the Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-800-5556 or, if it seems like an emergency, call 911.
Leave the questioning to the professionals
Don’t try to investigate too far (it can cause confusion and scare young children, which hampers investigators’ ability later). But if you feel like you need to ask questions, just ask open-ended questions like, “Can you tell me about what happened?”
Avoid overly specific questions like, “Did your dad hurt you?” You may not know who the child understands to be their “Dad,” for instance. Leave these kinds of conversations to professionals and treat it like the “crime scene” evidence it is.
Parents can ask their kids about safe adults, too
You can help your child develop confidence in their safe adults by asking them who they might speak to if someone hurts them. Encourage them to have more than one safe adult in their life.
Parents can also help their child’s physical and emotional well-being by not forcing them to be around people they say make them uncomfortable, like a babysitter, other guardians, or even other children. About a third of abuse cases that come to Susie’s Place are child-on-child abuse situations.
We all have a shared responsibility to the kids in our lives. There are many ways adults can help protect children in our community. One of the best ways is to request or enroll in an upcoming Child Abuse Prevention Training course.